The institution of marriage, not for the first time, is under attack. In the opinion of some it is outdated, irrelevant, even oppressive. Whatever the Bible teaches, it is regarded as misguided or perhaps dangerous, legitimising domestic abuse. Others react by asserting a pattern for marriage that appeals to the Bible yet introduces structures that owe more to culture than to the Word of God. We consider now Ephesians 5:22-33 Reflecting Christ and the church.
1. God’s pattern for Christian wives
The command of v22 is one which gives some women great problems – ‘Wives, submit to your own husbands’. Note that it is not a command that every woman should submit to every man. Paul is accused of saying that women are inferior, reflecting the male-dominated culture of his day, an outlook we should have left behind. However, we cannot take this path if we believe the Bible is ‘God-breathed’ (2 Timothy 3:16). Note that Paul gives a theological foundation for his command. Marriage is designed by God to reflect the relationship between Christ and his church (not the other way round).
The key issue is headship – ‘as Christ is head of the church’ (v23). The term ‘head’ has clear implications of authority – ‘as the church is subject to Christ’ (v24). There is something in the fallen human heart that resists submission, but in the case of marriage that is often because of a misunderstanding of the concept. Note regarding Christ ‘he himself is the Saviour of the body’ – a context of love and self-sacrifice. The church renders loving and willing obedience – preparing her as a bride, ‘holy and blameless’ (v27). This does not imply inferiority – a wise husband will draw on her gifts and wisdom as much as possible.
2. God’s pattern for Christian husbands
Much more advice is given to husbands – marriage is not to be thought of solely in terms of the wife’s submission. Paul commands, ‘Husbands, love your wives’ (v25), and gives an awesome explanation – ‘as Christ also loved the church’. Immediately husbands should recognise their total dependence on grace – no man alone can match this standard. Again we see the divine pattern, reflecting Christ and the church – ‘gave himself up for her’. The whole process of salvation in Christ is traced in v26-27, leading to glorification.
Thus the kind of love the Lord requires is sacrificial love, that puts the wife and her welfare first. Such love prevents headship becoming selfish or tyrannical. It prevents the husband thinking of marriage primarily in terms of what he can get, rather than what he can give. His aim will always be to establish a marriage that reflects Christ and the church. It is indeed ‘a profound mystery’ (v32). This is a love that is purposeful. Christ had a definite goal in mind for the church, preparing her as a bride, ‘holy and blameless’ (v27). A husband’s love is likewise to be purposeful, aiming to her gifts and to help her grow in the likeness of Christ. The illustration in v28-30 is the husband’s care for his own body – ‘feeds and cares for it’. Quoting Genesis 2:24 Paul shows the wife is part of the husband’s body, to be lovingly nurtured. If marriage is in God’s plan, it is a great privilege and a great responsibility. The fulfilling of one’s responsibilities does not depend on the other fulfilling theirs.